The BF goes to bed pretty early in our house. That works pretty good for me as I am a super early riser, but I stay up later than he does. Because I’m home all day while he’s at work, I have a tendancy to use our bed as a catch all/desk.
I do the laundry. It ends up on the bed.
I’m looking for something to wear. What I am not looking for or decide not to wear, ends up on the bed.
Come in from going to the store, the post office, or getting cigarettes, the purse goes on the end of the bed. Get the mail, it goes on the end of the bed.
I’m sure you get the picture. The reason for this is our bedroom is Xtra large and I have the computer, etc. in there. It’s right off the front door coming in the house, so it happens to be the first place I hit.
I have probably asked for a year or so for him to just give me a little notice before he’s ready to go to bed so I can just clear everything off. I would much rather move it off the bed than pick it up off the floor after he kicks it off. Now, I know how futile it is to ask him to tell me, because I truly do understand how passive aggressive he is. He doesn’t bitch that the stuff is on the bed. He just gets even by laying down. This is one of those things that instead of telling me what a terrible housekeeper I am, or how sick of stuff even being on the bed he is, he’ll just passive aggressively crawl into bed. There’s no confrontation by asking me to move it, (he doesn’t want to impose) which there wouldn’t be any confrontation anyhow, and “know” that in his way he’s won.
Even the simplest requests are usually impossible for the passive aggressive. Most of the time it’s not even a concious effort to make someone mad or “get even”. In the example above, even a child who has been told several times knows it’s going to piss off his parents if his room’s not cleaned. He/she “gets it”.
The passive aggressive in the BF probably wants to shout something, but he never does, not unless I really provoke him, and then probably not, and if he did, would apologize for being an “ass”. While many times I make a game out of it to survive it, if you think about it it’s pretty sad. It’s sad that the full grown man has never learned how to communicate, how to connect, or how to express how he feels.
Filed under: abuse, coping, hidden feelings, mental health, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, personality disorders | Tagged: gets it, mental health, passive aggressive behavior, personality disorders, survival |