According to Medline Plus Medical Encyclopedia, the definition of Passive-Aggressive Behavior is:
“Passive-aggressive personality disorder is a chronic condition in which a person seems to passively comply with the desires and needs of others, but actually passively resists them, in the process becoming increasingly hostile and angry.
Psychiatrists no longer recognize this condition as an official diagnosis. However, the symptoms are problematic to many people and may be helped by professional attention.”
Today and Tomorrow are the BF’s days off. I know when you work all week, you don’t feel like doing housework or yard work on your days off, but they’re necessary evils. For us especially, as the City has been on our butts to the tune of $1700 in fines for the front yard. When we first got a warning citation from the City because someone called and complained, all I was going to do was cover it with plastic and throw bark all over it. My BF, being the perfectionist he can be, decided he was going to landscape it. That started in June 2007. It is now April 2008.
What he’s done looks beautiful, even if I did have to get angry to get it done. Dealing with a passive-aggressive, this is not always the best way to go. It worked one week when I just asked him “When did you decide in your head that it was okay to wrack up all these fines we can’t afford?”
I thought he would at least mow last week, but he never got close. He pruned bushes and palm trees all around the back yard instead. Now don’t get me wrong, they needed it desperately, but first priority has to be the front. Today I didn’t take any chances. I mentioned it early, reminded him of the City jerks, and told him if he would mow, I would water and then weed. I figured it I offered to help, it would take some of the sting away, plus I get some sunshine and exercise. We agreed it would be easier to weed after I watered.
It’s now 3pm. He has done quite a bit of weeding already, and just finished mowing. I don’t think he would have mowed yet, except I asked him why he was weeding when we both agreed it’d be easier after water. One of the things I learned in my reading is when this behavior is apparent, to call him on it. When I do, he obviously doesn’t like it, but he doesn’t say anything. If I mention that I’m sorry I made him angry, he acts like he doesn’t know what I’m talking about.
This is just the kind of subtle sabotage that happens all the time. It’s as though because I mentioned mowing first in order to do the rest, that was the one thing he basically just refused to do.