Are 40 million Americans passive aggressive? I couldn’t help but wonder when I ran across an article on AOL. It stated that according to a Ph.D based in San Diego, (who just happened to find the Cambridge Center for Behavioral Studies in Beverly, Mass.), that 10 to 20% of marriages in the US are “sexless”. We really aren’t alone! LOL. He also figures that may be an ‘under estimate’, as people are embarrassed or ashamed to admit they aren’t having frequent or satisfying sex.
Now, to be fair, they are calling a sexless marriage a marriage where the couples are having sex only once a month or 10 times per year (or no sex). Sounds to me like some of us could tell them what a real sexless marriage is. Another Ph.D who is a practicing family and marriage counselor says that 5 to 7 percent of the people she sees are perfectly happy in their sexless marriages. The only way I can see that people would be “happy” in a sexless marriage is:
- if it is a person who never really liked sex anyway, or
- if it was someone who has just gotten so used to it they don’t care anymore.
- if they are so old and have been together for so long, they’re just ‘done’. I’m not even sure of that one as I take care of 2 old ladies in their 80′s that are horny as can be. LOL.
Of course, I’m no doctor, and I’m sure that some people have matching low libidos, but the cases I know about are ones where one person desperately would give almost anything to feel desired and have sex, while the other in the couple is a passive aggressive.
I hope any of you who may be seeing a therapist are honest about where you stand. A psychology professor once said this:
When sex is good, it’s 5 percent of the marriage, but when it’s bad, it’s 95 percent of the marriage. “The key is to understand what’s good and bad,” he says. Good means that each person’s sexual needs are being met. Bad means that at least one person’s needs are not being met.
If everyone agrees that due to low libido, children, aging, that not having sex is okay, at least temporarily, that’s one thing. Having a passive aggressive spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend that “withholds sex” is totally something else. I would give almost anything to know how many of these people are passive aggressive, but since the psychological community doesn’t recognize that anymore (LOL), I guess we’ll never know.
Dr. Epstein, the PH.D that is behind the study has 2 websites set up if you want to see where you stand. I always love this kind of stuff, and if you’re on the fence if you should or stay, this may be very interesting. LOL. The first site is ‘Are You Ready For Love? The second site is “Are We Good Together?” If you click on ‘continue’ it will ask for your e-mail, etc. as a sign up so you can come back and do it again. As far as I can tell, it looks very private.
Have fun. Let me know if you do it and what you find out. I haven’t done it yet as I don’t have time right now, but you can bet I will. LOL
Filed under: examples of passive aggressive behavior, leaving the passive aggressive, mental health, passive aggressive boyfriend, passive aggressive spouse, psychology | Tagged: coping with a passive aggressive, Dr. Robert Epstein, Leaving a passive aggressive, living with a passive aggressive, mental health, passive aggressive boyfriend, passive aggressive relationships, passive aggressive spouse, sexless marriage, withholding sex | 2 Comments »