Children And Passive Aggressive Behavior

What do you do with children that obviously have passive aggressive behavior?

If you’ve been with me for any length of time, you know that my first advice if someone has children and they are married to a passive aggressive spouse, is to get out and save the children. All too often the children have a tendency to pick up the passive aggressive spouse’s behaviors.

Children also have the ability to take on these behaviors all by themselves when they start resenting the responsibilities put upon them by their parents.  In a way it’s no wonder children will behave passive aggressively, as they feel they have no other choice. In my house I was definitely not allowed to talk back or squack about what I was told to do. As a result, I had to take my little sister (6 yrs. younger) with me every where I went from the time she could walk.

As I was doing some research today, I came across an article by Signe Witson on Psychology Today who talks about a mother who asks her oldest daughter to take the 2 younger daughters to the bathroom while they are having a meal in a restaurant. While the oldest acts obediently, she travels at such a pace, she loses both her siblings on the way. When Mother is upset, the oldest daughter acts in complete surprise and blames her siblings for not keeping up.

This is such a familiar story to me. I can remember behaving in such a manner when I was a kid, and I can remember my oldest daughter on occasion behaving the same way regarding her siblings. Evidently now there is a book to help parents deal with these kind of situations called “The Reality Rub”.

The Reality Rub is recommended for use with kids who manipulate reality to test limits. The goal of the Reality Rub is to help kids re-organize their thinking and clarify reality by discussing their blurred, distorted, or self-serving perceptions of an incident.

This sounds like it may be a perfect place to start if you have kids that are always testing your limits, or who are developing their own passive aggressive behavior habits that would serve them better if they used that energy in more constructive ways.

 

Are There More and More Passive Aggressives Out There?

Are there more and more passive aggressives out there, or is it just me?

Hey everyone, I’ve missed you so much since my last post, but have been actually trying to “practice what I preach”. One thing I have found since not posting so often is a lot of the “spammers” are leaving me alone. LOL.

1) I have finally found a new “home” church where I am getting to know people and have some support.
2) I am still struggling with back taxes, getting them caught up, but am getting closer all the time. Getting these done will give me a big portion of control of my life back. Instead of always having “unfinished business” on my brain, I can look forward into the future. Getting these done will also take two tax liens off of my credit file and up my credit score. This is a must if I should end up moving.
3) While I joined our gym here and there are 3 swimming pools, I haven’t been very good about motivating myself to go work out. I really need to lose this extra weight, so instead I joined a group that plays “pickleball” 3 times a week and we’ve been playing “shuffleboard”, the kind that is on the ground. At least I have begun moving instead of just sitting all the time.

Otherwise, my social life is down to nil. I haven’t been any more attentive to my “offline” friends than I have been here, I’m sorry to say. The taxes are so hard, I just concentrate completely on that.

It appears a very dear friend of mine who himself has a tendency to be fairly passive aggressive, has fallen for an old high school girlfriend that he just got re-aquainted with. I have mentioned it to him gently a couple of times, but she seems to be the whole bag of tricks when it comes to being passive aggressive.

She comes from the background of being abandoned by her mother at a young age. Evidently it didn’t take too long for her father who was an alcoholic to decided he couldn’t care for her and her brother by himself. Then later her mother came back into her life. This woman was told not to tell the mother’s boyfriend she was the mother’s child, because the mother didn’t want the boyfriend to know she had kids. Boy, talk about a lack of nurturing being one cause of passive aggressive behavior! Needless to say, abandonment is just one of the issues she has.

I only hear my friend’s side of the story, but I can just imagine what he is putting his girlfriend through also. He, like most passive aggressives, rather than say anything that may cause a fight, will just shut down. I’ve often wondered what happens when 2 passive aggressive partners get together, what the outcome would be, or how it’s even determined. I guess I’ll watch and find out. LOL.

I have approved all comments that were waiting, and will try to respond to as many as possible. Thank you all for your comments and your patience.

Logical Thinking: Passive Aggressives (Not)

Hey Everyone! Can’t tell you how much I have missed you! OH MY GOSH! Talk about being in a *#@)*$) mess. LOL.

My usual MO is to answer all the comments first, and then to write a post if I have the energy or the time. Tonight, because it’s been awhile, I’m ranting first, then I will go answer comments, although I did approve the ones that were there so everyone can see them and respond.

For all those who have been with me for awhile, I finally brought my mother home. She went those several months in the hospital where they wanted me to “pull the plug” to rehab, and now she’s here. She’s fine. Her brains are fully (or almost for being 80) in tact, and if they had taken better care of her in the hospital, her body would be better, but we’re working on that.

In the meantime, I am not only living with my passive aggressive boyfriend, but the little old lady (my girlfriend down the street who is also 80) has turned out to be quite the little passive aggressive also.

Am I supposed to be learning something here? LOL. Am I passive aggressive. I don’t think so. I’ve told each of them about their behavior. (Although neither knows about my ranting here. LOL) Is God putting me in Passive Aggressive Hell so I’ll learn more? Is there a lesson I’m not getting? LOL.

The passive aggressive BF is as passive aggressive as always. I have been thinking about a lot of other “fun” things lately, but since I don’t advocate cheating…LOL.

UPDATE:Since first starting this draft-
Actually the way I started this still fits. I figured I better write so everyone knows I’m not dead. LOL. Again I have approved all the comments, and am so glad to see all the help you give each other when I’m missing in action. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. That’s exactly what this blog was supposed to encourage (especially since I don’t have all the answers. LOL).

The incidents of passive aggressive behavior are too numerous to remember, let alone mention when I’m not blogging regularly. I will share one that stands out because it’s been ongoing and came to a head the other day.

We are poor as church mice, as many are these days. The type of job the PABF has, on occasion, has him cleaning floor displays. The company he works for sucks. For example, to celebrate 1 yr. with the company they offered him a buy 1 get 1 free if he bought company shirts. LOL. For the past yr. up until a couple of months ago, he has been taking paper towels and glass cleaner from our house for his job. One day he didn’t have what he needed and low and behold the stores issue him the supplies he needs. He still was taking stuff from the house.

One day I reached for paper towels and there weren’t any. A couple days later I went to get the window cleaner and he had switched an empty bottle for a full one. When I said something to him, he pulled the usual “really? I didn’t even realize I had done that.”

How can you not realize something you physically did like that? When the paper towels went missing again, I asked him what he didn’t understand about his company vs. us paying for his supplies. They only work him part time. His paychecks would be bigger if he was babysitting, and he feels he should pay for supplies? I think not!

Yesterday I brought home a big package of paper towels. My glass cleaner is from Amway, so it’s good stuff. I told him if I saw either one walking out the door whether he realized it or not, I would become violent. LOL. Then he had enough nerve to take offense! Cracks me up.

I know it sounds petty, but that’s how driven to distraction I’ve gotten. LOL. All I hear these days is Dr. Phil in the background going “And how’s that workin’ for you?” Trying to look for logical thinking from a passive aggressive? NOT.

Enter the Passive Aggressive Employee…

There’s some good news about having to move. The Passive aggressive BF will be able to stay with the same company he’s with now (if that’s good news). They are actually thrilled that he’s moving to where we are going and looking to give him more hours and more responsibility. That’s good news to me because he is making less than 1/5th of what he was making on unemployment, which was not quite 1/2 of what he was making when he was working in high tech. Needless to say we keep sliding downhill.

I am noticing little passive aggressive changes in his behavior toward his job. When he has to go to someone’s home, this company is like the telephone company and gives the customer a 4 hour window, between 8-noon, or between 1-5. If I am the customer, I’m one of those that wants the workman to show up as early as possible so I can get on with my day. Lately, the passive aggressive employee seems to think he doesn’t need to show up until at least 9. He used to call the customer the night before and verify the time, but he quit doing that. Now when I mention calling first, he acts like I’m nuts.

There are other little subtleties also, like wearing jeans instead of the uniform pants they made him buy. He seems to feel because he got away with that a couple of times in a warehouse, that that is perfectly fine all the time now. I know this seems like small stuff, but it all ads up.

Thank goodness that he’s reliable enough and works alone most of the time, that he may just get away with some of his antics. I can see though, he is slowly but surely “self-sabotaging“. Thus, the transition for being glad at his age to get a job, to the passive aggressive employee.

The Passive Aggressive Covertly Rebels

He doesn’t tell me that he resents the hell out of me because I work from home, but he is a passive aggressive that is covertly rebelling. LOL.

I don’t know how many of you have had teenagers, but when they rebel, it’s pretty open and you deal with it. When a passive aggressive rebels it’s very covertly, and you either miss it or you figure out how to deal with it as it comes. My passive aggressive, I just let him know I’m on to him.

We have a deal, so to speak. First off, he’s the one that let me know when he first moved in with me, taking out the trash was a “man” thing. Ok. I was raised like that. Except the last several years has been a “it’s trash nite” “I know. I’ll get in the morning” sleep through the morning, I take out the trash. Then it’s “it’s trash nite” “I know. I’ll take it out in the morning” “Yeah, but you don’t get up in the morning so maybe you should put it out tonite”. Sigh, sulk, do it. Or…not do it and the famous passive aggressive “Oh I forgot. I’m such an idiot” (head hanging low thing).

Since the passive aggressive BF has been working, there has been basically an unspoken rule that when he’s off on the weekends he cooks and does the dishes, and I work. This last weekend I guess he decided he didn’t like that arrangement. I did all the grocery shopping and said about it would be great if he cooked blah, blah, blah. All he had to do was cook and it’s in a crockpot, so it’s not that tough. Evidently he didn’t appreciate cooking Saturday nite because the dishes stayed in the sink from Saturday, Sunday until I did them Monday morning. I had put all the food away, emptied the dish drain, etc. All he had to do was the little bit of dishes and cook Sunday nite, which he usually does. Evidently that was too much.

I would rather he just bitched at me so I could respond instead of this stupid, passive aggressive stuff. I treat him as if he works his butt off all week and he takes first priority over everything. The truth is he barely works part time and he has plenty of time off, so you would think the weekend wouldn’t kill him!

God forbid we should interrupt football for chores. By the way, my rear view mirror is hanging from the windshield absolutely useless, (he usually fixes it) because the passive aggressive covertly rebels.

I Saw This Posted-

Just thought I would share. Just a little note against domestic violence.

While you scream at your woman, there’s a man wishing he could whisper in her ear. While you humiliate, offend, & insult her, there’s a man flirting with her & reminding her how beautiful she is. While you hurt her, there’s a man wishing he could take her pain away. While you…make your woman cry, there’s a man stealing smiles from her………!!!

Examples of Passive Aggressive Behavior-Employee

It hasn’t taken long for my BF to display examples of passive aggressive behavior as an employee. To the average onlooker you would think maybe he was just very conscientious, but to someone familiar with passive aggressive personality disorder, it’s easy to see it for what it is.

The passive aggressive BF has been working for this company since about May. This company is similar to most services in the way that when they are coming to your home, they give you a 4 hour window, 8 to Noon or 1 to 5. I couldn’t help but notice that instead of just showing up at the first place by 8:00 as directed, he would call the client and set up an actual time. One of the times he did this he didn’t start his work day until 10:00 am and then was jammed up the rest of the day into overtime. I don’t know if he finally was told to just show up when the company tells him to or what, but I notice he doesn’t call anymore.

Another time he was scheduled to show up to take care of some “warranty” work on a Monday morning. He generally doesn’t get paid for warranty work as it means something is wrong that isn’t the client’s fault. Instead of doing the work Monday morning as scheduled, he called and made an appointment with the guy for that weekend. The boss said their ultimate goal is to make the client happy and he supposed the BF did that, but from now on do it the way he’s instructed by the company, as it has to be documented, etc.

A couple of weeks ago they had to do some work in a retail store. They couldn’t go to work until 9 PM as the store didn’t want them in there while customers were still shopping. Evidently the 9 o’clock start time didn’t work out too well because on the second nite he got a call not to go in until 10:00 PM. Kick in the passive aggressiveness. The next thing I know he’s getting ready to walk out the door and it is very early still. I mention it to him, asking why he is leaving so far ahead of time. He figured he could get in there and “stage” everything, have it all set to go when the crew got there. I said about the store not wanting them in there that early. “Oh they don’t mind if I go in and get stuff ready” he says. “Yeah, that’s why you got that call telling you not to come in for another hour. Didn’t it occur to you that they don’t want you in there before 10:00?”

He stuck around until a more appropriate time to leave. These are examples of a passive aggressive employee who thinks he knows more than the people who employ and instruct him. This is only the stuff I know about. I wouldn’t have known as much about the last place he got fired from except for running into the guy that originally hired him and who was a friend of mine. We ran into each other out on the town one night, and all of a sudden a bunch of stuff came to light that the passive aggressive BF had never told me about. I can’t help but wonder if the same is happening here.

As I said, to everyone else you would think he was just a ‘super’ employee. To someone who is aware, what you have here are examples of an employee’s passive aggressive behavior.

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