Happy Mother’s Day!

Happy Mother’s Day Ladies. I’ll be curious as to what today brings. Considering a good portion of the men that are passive aggressive come from mother’s that were either neglectful, non-nurturing, or overly controlling, not allowing for any self-expression, it’ll be interesting to see the different ways different passive aggressives handle Mother’s Day.

This morning I’m going to church with my middle daughter. I had told my passive aggressive boyfriend I was planning this, and then she and I would be going to breakfast afterward. Last night I discovered he thawed out a roll of breakfast sausage. I have no idea what that is for, but it would be typical for him to use the “I forgot” excuse, and then making me feel guilty about going out. That is typical passive aggressive behavior.

I must say that I remind him every Mother’s Day that I am not his mother, that it’s not up to him to worry about me, but he always does something special such as flowers, or fixing my favorite dinner. His mother is deceased, so there isn’t the dragging him to the phone fight we used to have every year on Mother’s Day and her birthday.

How did Mother’s Day go for you? Did he cave into his mother’s demands? Did he spoil you a little? or was it just another passive aggressive against the rest of us kind of day?

Love to hear your feedback.

Any of us involved with a passive aggressive knows how good they are at making us doubt ourselves, second guess ourselves. Somehow everything we thought we knew, we wonder under the passive aggressive’s constant scrutiny, if we ever really knew anything at all.

My passive aggressive boyfriend and I have been together for 13 yrs. now. He is a total sports fanatic, and I’m sure that’s one of the ways I got him (lucky me) was that I knew quite a bit from betting on football, etc.  When we first got together I was very willing to also learn hockey, was already a NASCAR fan, and “got it” when it came to baseball.

Over 13 yrs. I have managed to surprise the passive aggressive  on several occasions that I actually get the strategy of the games, etc. I don’t know if his latest passive aggressive behavior is meant to make me feel stupid, make him feel needed, or just to make him feel like he still has an edge, but I find it utterly ridiculous.

His newest passive aggressive behavior is to use a very uncommon term, (one he hasn’t used in 13 yrs.) for a very common thing, be it a penalty, a point after goal, or what ever.  Of course I’m using the common phrase, and then figuring I missed something, ask him what it is he’s talking about. Then we go round and round and it turns out to be the very thing I said it was to start with.

The latest has been with NASCAR  season starting, we get to talking about the beginning qualifying races that set the field for the Daytona 500. I mention about the first race being the “Bud Shootout”. He says no, the first race is a qualifier and I must have it confused with the “shootout” in hockey. I just knew I was right, and this is something this man has followed like the bible for most of his life.

I went right in to the computer and looked it up. Sure enough, the first race is the Bud ShootOut, then the Gatorade Duals to set the track for Daytona. Until this year, of course. LOL. Now it’s called the “Sprint Unlimited” and the “Bud Duals”. That’s ok. Doesn’t matter. The passive aggressive didn’t know about all the changes yet, so it just goes to show he was just screwing with me to begin with.

I don’t know if after all these years he’s feeling threatened in the one part of the world he was always the expert in or what. I don’t know, maybe he’s afraid he’s losing it. (Have I done that good a job on turning the tables?) Whatever it is, this is the latest and greatest passive aggressive behavior from my PA. Yours trying to play any new tricks on you since you confront him on the others?

Yesterday on AOL they had “13 cards you wish you could send your ex”. Here are a couple of them I thought were especially good.

For those who have made it through

For those making the decision

And last but not least, for the rest of us. LOL. (Please excuse the language).

I was glad to see yesterday some attitudes toward Valentine’s Day are changing. We had a couple of comments here where people were finding other ways and other people to give love to instead of relying on their passive aggressive to come through with something special. Even my own daughter had a less cynical outlook than usual (unmarried at 30).

Hope one of these at least brought a little smile to your face. Have a great day.

If you and the passive aggressive are on the outs, or you’ve called him/her out on his/her behavior, this is the perfect time for him/her to sweep you back in. If the passive aggressive is malicious enough, he/she knows how much this day means to you and will use it to hurt you yet one more time.

They say it’s worse to be with someone and still be lonely, than it is to just be alone. I would say that would be the case with most that are married or involved with a passive aggressive. I’ve noticed this year there seems to be a lot of clubs, etc. advertising parties for people who are not someone’s valentine. There’s nothing saying we can’t partake in something like that, celebrating the fact that we’re just alive and full of love ourselves, with or without anyone else.

If you are one in a position that whenever it comes to something special, your passive aggressive lets you down, now is as good a time as any to change that!

First, don’t expect anything special. This way if he/she screws up it won’t hurt as bad because you weren’t expecting anything special anyhow. If he/she does do something or remembers Valentine’s Day, it will just be icing on the cake, not something you’re depending on.

Second- There’s no law says we can’t do for ourselves what we would have liked someone else to do for us. Pamper yourself. Put everyone on notice you are doing things on this day to love yourself. I know if you have little kids or schedules, there are still things you have to work around, but there’s nothing saying you can’t pick yourself up a bottle of wine, some roses for the bath water, and anything else you want to spoil yourself. Then when you have the time, enjoy it. Remember how much you used to love yourself and how you are so worth it!

Third- You must have single friends or relatives. They probably aren’t loving this day either. See if you can get together for lunch or to do something fun so that you enjoy at least part of your day. It will help going into the evening.

And- If you’re really ambitious, you could bake some cookies and take them to a homeless shelter, or old folks home. Or grab a big bunch of cheap balloons and do the same. To see the light on the faces will fill your heart with so much love, nothing could take that away.

It’s up to you to take the mindset that you need to love yourself. That you are worth loving yourself and being loved by others.  Certainly we can do that for ourselves at least once a year. We have to be pro-active when it comes to the passive aggressive. Otherwise, you’ll just keep drowning.

So, are you going to be a Valentine or a sitting duck?

If you’ve been with me for any length of time, you know that my first advice if someone has children and they are married to a passive aggressive spouse, is to get out and save the children. All too often the children have a tendency to pick up the passive aggressive spouse’s behaviors.

Children also have the ability to take on these behaviors all by themselves when they start resenting the responsibilities put upon them by their parents.  In a way it’s no wonder children will behave passive aggressively, as they feel they have no other choice. In my house I was definitely not allowed to talk back or squack about what I was told to do. As a result, I had to take my little sister (6 yrs. younger) with me every where I went from the time she could walk.

As I was doing some research today, I came across an article by Signe Witson on Psychology Today who talks about a mother who asks her oldest daughter to take the 2 younger daughters to the bathroom while they are having a meal in a restaurant. While the oldest acts obediently, she travels at such a pace, she loses both her siblings on the way. When Mother is upset, the oldest daughter acts in complete surprise and blames her siblings for not keeping up.

This is such a familiar story to me. I can remember behaving in such a manner when I was a kid, and I can remember my oldest daughter on occasion behaving the same way regarding her siblings. Evidently now there is a book to help parents deal with these kind of situations called “The Reality Rub”.

The Reality Rub is recommended for use with kids who manipulate reality to test limits. The goal of the Reality Rub is to help kids re-organize their thinking and clarify reality by discussing their blurred, distorted, or self-serving perceptions of an incident.

This sounds like it may be a perfect place to start if you have kids that are always testing your limits, or who are developing their own passive aggressive behavior habits that would serve them better if they used that energy in more constructive ways.

What’s he thinking?

You think Obama’s a passive aggressive narcissist?

I want to start this out by saying 1) If I offend anyone, that is not my intent. 2) I mean no one any disrespect including the President and/or his wife.

Sometimes it’s just fun to let your mind wander, which mine has over the last several days. Actually it’s probably been longer than that, since for some reason this president seems to be able to push through what he wants with or without Congress.

I don’t care if you’re a fan of Obama or not, I would think we all would agree that he is definitely a narcissist.  I think he has a fully overgrown image of himself and his abilities (that he doesn’t need Congress). It’s like a King and his subjects. What’s unfortunate is that we, the American people keep reinforcing that image.  It’s just a bit scary because the branches of the government were originally designed to be a “checks and balances” for each of the other branches. (Didn’t mean to go on a political rant there. Just sayin’..)

I also think that most of us here are experienced enough to know that personality disorders have a way of overlapping, especially for passive aggressive personality disorders. Do you ever wonder if Michelle has to put up with a passive aggressive at home? LOL.

I guess if you’re Michelle and you ask the President to do something and he doesn’t do it, she could just ask one of her 21 assistants, or someone on the White House wait staff. Actually, as I’m talking this out, what would you ask the President to do that you couldn’t get done by someone else, except posing for “family moments” or sex. LOL.

And what about withholding sex? During my research there is a lot out there that says this is highly possible, but then who can you believe? So many people that claim to be close to the President or close to the First Lady just want to see their big mouths in print. The National Enquirer does state the First Lady did visit a lawyer 3 different times to discuss the possibilities of divorce. The National Enquirer you say, but hey, they have broken more stories when everyone else was saying “hogwash”. For all the “hogwash” you don’t hear of them getting sued a whole lot for misinformation. (I know, they’re just a rag).  LOL.

Believe it or not, I started this a few days ago and really didn’t mean it to come out on the eve of Obama’s second inauguration but here we are.

It’s been fun just to think about. What are your thoughts on President Obama being a narcissistic passive aggressive?

Things are about the same with the passive aggressive boyfriend around here. Same little petty stuff. Same passive aggressive behavior. I have gotten much better on calling him on the just so stupid, really blatant stuff. It doesn’t change a whole lot, but he knows I know, and he hasn’t gotten anything over on  me. Some of the things he was soooo blatant on, he’s been trying to correct and not be so obvious, but you know what they say about a lepeord changing his spots. LOL.

I don’t know what the outcome will be from this, but I have turned over the household finances to him. Yep. It’s time the passive aggressive got to stress and worry and figure it out, just like I have all these years. I hear a few of you out there who have “been there, done that” and ended up with a disaster on your hands, but I’m quite optimistic.

Since the passive aggressive is back on unemployment, our great state in all it’s wisdom puts his unemployment money on an ATM card for him instead of mailing a check. Shortly after he got his first money put on the card, I couldn’t help but notice that he hoarded that card as if it was gold plated. That gave me the perfect opportunity to hand over the bills that needed to be paid.

We all know what it’s like to get a passive aggressive spouse, boyfriend, or whatever, do something they don’t want to do. We have been going on this way for about 3 or 4 months now, yet every month I have to “teach” him how to pay each bill. Of course I know the typical passive aggressive behavior would be that he’ll “misplace” bills, forget to pay them, etc. I have an answer for that. The PA knows I keep an index file for tax purposes, so when he pays each bill, he brings me the receipts. If I give him the bills and I don’t get a receipt within a couple of days, I start asking for it. Trust me, there’s a lot less stress just asking for the receipts than it was shuffling everything around. Plus I have a bonus. Because he won’t let go of the card, he grocery shops and cooks most of the time.  SCORE! LOL.

Ok, your turn. How were your holidays (if you celebrate). Rant if you need to. What do you plan for 2013. I changed the poll over on the right hand side.  The answers to the last poll were:

Why Do You Stay W/A PA?

Love  30.14%  (88 votes)

Parent  15.75%  (46 votes)

Finances  38.36%  (112 votes)

health  1.37%  (4 votes)

fear  14.38%  (42 votes)
Total Votes: 292

Flowers, candy, prime rib

I celebrated 13 yrs. with the Passive Aggressiveboyfriend a couple of months ago. When I started this blog many, many, posts and comments ago, I would read comments from women who had gone through misery being with a passive aggressive for 20, 30, and more years. I wondered how they stood it. Now I know. Time just keeps on ticking and before you know it, you’re looking at more time behind you than in front of you!

I have taken a break over the last few months trying to get my life in order, clean up lose ends, and see if my not complaining to you here would make any difference in how I looked at things. Maybe I would be more positive, etc. Instead, I have found myself closer to violence than I’ve ever been. LOL. I told you in the beginning the only way to survive being with a passive aggressive was with a sense of humor. In the turmoil of the last couple of years, I think I lost some of that.

The Passive Aggressive must have been getting it that I was close to the end as he has become extremely helpful with my mother, although acts like he’s put out at the slightest deviation from routine.

The PA boyfriend doesn’t really ever say anything when he’s annoyed, but he has this habit of lifting his neck way up and turning his head around, almost like a chicken. I’ve been calling him on this and the way he looks at me at times when I say something, typical passive aggressive behavior, and he claims not to know what I’m talking about. “What look? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

This weekend my middle daughter got married. The PA boyfriend pulled that “neck thing” on me a couple of times before we ever left the house, the typical passive aggressive behavior. I guess I probably should have warned him how that was getting to me, but I didn’t. I thought once we got to the wedding I wouldn’t have to deal with it. I can hear you out there saying “Wrong!” You’re right. He did it again at the wedding when I had asked him to do something, or told him something we needed to do, he pulled that neck thing, and if I had been close enough I would have knocked his head clean off! LOL. And he knew it!

So here I am my friends, back sharing opinions and hopefully giving helpful suggestions, and finding another way to let go of my anger in a way that won’t send me to jail. LOL

Hey everyone, I’ve missed you so much since my last post, but have been actually trying to “practice what I preach”. One thing I have found since not posting so often is a lot of the “spammers” are leaving me alone. LOL.

1) I have finally found a new “home” church where I am getting to know people and have some support.
2) I am still struggling with back taxes, getting them caught up, but am getting closer all the time. Getting these done will give me a big portion of control of my life back. Instead of always having “unfinished business” on my brain, I can look forward into the future. Getting these done will also take two tax liens off of my credit file and up my credit score. This is a must if I should end up moving.
3) While I joined our gym here and there are 3 swimming pools, I haven’t been very good about motivating myself to go work out. I really need to lose this extra weight, so instead I joined a group that plays “pickleball” 3 times a week and we’ve been playing “shuffleboard”, the kind that is on the ground. At least I have begun moving instead of just sitting all the time.

Otherwise, my social life is down to nil. I haven’t been any more attentive to my “offline” friends than I have been here, I’m sorry to say. The taxes are so hard, I just concentrate completely on that.

It appears a very dear friend of mine who himself has a tendency to be fairly passive aggressive, has fallen for an old high school girlfriend that he just got re-aquainted with. I have mentioned it to him gently a couple of times, but she seems to be the whole bag of tricks when it comes to being passive aggressive.

She comes from the background of being abandoned by her mother at a young age. Evidently it didn’t take too long for her father who was an alcoholic to decided he couldn’t care for her and her brother by himself. Then later her mother came back into her life. This woman was told not to tell the mother’s boyfriend she was the mother’s child, because the mother didn’t want the boyfriend to know she had kids. Boy, talk about a lack of nurturing being one cause of passive aggressive behavior! Needless to say, abandonment is just one of the issues she has.

I only hear my friend’s side of the story, but I can just imagine what he is putting his girlfriend through also. He, like most passive aggressives, rather than say anything that may cause a fight, will just shut down. I’ve often wondered what happens when 2 passive aggressive partners get together, what the outcome would be, or how it’s even determined. I guess I’ll watch and find out. LOL.

I have approved all comments that were waiting, and will try to respond to as many as possible. Thank you all for your comments and your patience.

In the meantime…I am living in 110-115 degree weather and trying to keep my indoor-outdoor cat in the house because he could have a “kitty stroke”. So what does the passive aggressive boyfriend do? Talk to me through the sliding glass door when I’m outside, and act totally surprised when he lets the cat out. He is smart enough to know that if the cat dies, he’s next. LOL. So much for that passive aggressive tendency.

I have found a new church home down here. It took awhile, but I think I’m ready to plug in and get going on something outside of cyberspace that’s outside of me. Of course the passive aggressive boyfriend won’t be part of it, but I don’t care. He says he doesn’t believe and after all these years I’m still not sure if that’s a bunch of BS or he really doesn’t believe, but that’s his problem. In the meantime I’m finally starting to make new friends which will definitely help with a new life.

The passive aggressive boyfriend has been a little friendly lately. It’s been a couple of years since we’ve had any “intimacy” (sex) so I think he’s finally getting a little tired of “amusing” himself. I don’t think he realizes that this passive aggressive “used to be” victim isn’t the same female he got together with years ago. Oh well. I’m just wondering now when to have “the talk”. I think it’s time he understood exactly where we stand.

Now, the real shocker, what I’ve been thinking about lately as I prepare my life to have no crap. I’m thinking I’m 57 yrs. old with a 64 yr. old passive aggressive. I’m thinking I still have a whole life ahead of me, BUT, right now the last man I was married to was a Canadian. I cannot collect Social Security here. I am actually considering marrying the passive aggressive because 1) if anything happens to him medically, I’m the only one that knows anything about him and his sons are going to be asking me anyway 2)I can collect his social security if any thing happens to him. I think after being involved with the passive aggressive for the last 12 yrs., I’ve earned it. LOL. Haven’t really decided either way yet.

What would you say? If I really believe there is life after the passive aggressive, then do I really need to go there?