Happy Mother’s Day! How Does Your Passive Aggressive Handle It?

Happy Mother’s Day!

Happy Mother’s Day Ladies. I’ll be curious as to what today brings. Considering a good portion of the men that are passive aggressive come from mother’s that were either neglectful, non-nurturing, or overly controlling, not allowing for any self-expression, it’ll be interesting to see the different ways different passive aggressives handle Mother’s Day.

This morning I’m going to church with my middle daughter. I had told my passive aggressive boyfriend I was planning this, and then she and I would be going to breakfast afterward. Last night I discovered he thawed out a roll of breakfast sausage. I have no idea what that is for, but it would be typical for him to use the “I forgot” excuse, and then making me feel guilty about going out. That is typical passive aggressive behavior.

I must say that I remind him every Mother’s Day that I am not his mother, that it’s not up to him to worry about me, but he always does something special such as flowers, or fixing my favorite dinner. His mother is deceased, so there isn’t the dragging him to the phone fight we used to have every year on Mother’s Day and her birthday.

How did Mother’s Day go for you? Did he cave into his mother’s demands? Did he spoil you a little? or was it just another passive aggressive against the rest of us kind of day?

Love to hear your feedback.

Latest And Greatest In Passive Aggressive Behavior

My passive aggressive boyfriend has taken a new approach to trying to make me second guess myself, so I thought I would share his latest and greatest passive aggressive behavior.

Any of us involved with a passive aggressive knows how good they are at making us doubt ourselves, second guess ourselves. Somehow everything we thought we knew, we wonder under the passive aggressive’s constant scrutiny, if we ever really knew anything at all.

My passive aggressive boyfriend and I have been together for 13 yrs. now. He is a total sports fanatic, and I’m sure that’s one of the ways I got him (lucky me) was that I knew quite a bit from betting on football, etc.  When we first got together I was very willing to also learn hockey, was already a NASCAR fan, and “got it” when it came to baseball.

Over 13 yrs. I have managed to surprise the passive aggressive  on several occasions that I actually get the strategy of the games, etc. I don’t know if his latest passive aggressive behavior is meant to make me feel stupid, make him feel needed, or just to make him feel like he still has an edge, but I find it utterly ridiculous.

His newest passive aggressive behavior is to use a very uncommon term, (one he hasn’t used in 13 yrs.) for a very common thing, be it a penalty, a point after goal, or what ever.  Of course I’m using the common phrase, and then figuring I missed something, ask him what it is he’s talking about. Then we go round and round and it turns out to be the very thing I said it was to start with.

The latest has been with NASCAR  season starting, we get to talking about the beginning qualifying races that set the field for the Daytona 500. I mention about the first race being the “Bud Shootout”. He says no, the first race is a qualifier and I must have it confused with the “shootout” in hockey. I just knew I was right, and this is something this man has followed like the bible for most of his life.

I went right in to the computer and looked it up. Sure enough, the first race is the Bud ShootOut, then the Gatorade Duals to set the track for Daytona. Until this year, of course. LOL. Now it’s called the “Sprint Unlimited” and the “Bud Duals”. That’s ok. Doesn’t matter. The passive aggressive didn’t know about all the changes yet, so it just goes to show he was just screwing with me to begin with.

I don’t know if after all these years he’s feeling threatened in the one part of the world he was always the expert in or what. I don’t know, maybe he’s afraid he’s losing it. (Have I done that good a job on turning the tables?) Whatever it is, this is the latest and greatest passive aggressive behavior from my PA. Yours trying to play any new tricks on you since you confront him on the others?

 

 

Random Thoughts About The Passive Aggressive

I hope everyone survived Valentine’s Day ok without a lot of tears, etc. Just in case I thought I would post a few random thoughts about the passive aggressive.

Yesterday on AOL they had “13 cards you wish you could send your ex”. Here are a couple of them I thought were especially good.

 

For those who have made it through

 

 

 

For those making the decision

 

 

 

 

And last but not least, for the rest of us. LOL. (Please excuse the language).

I was glad to see yesterday some attitudes toward Valentine’s Day are changing. We had a couple of comments here where people were finding other ways and other people to give love to instead of relying on their passive aggressive to come through with something special. Even my own daughter had a less cynical outlook than usual (unmarried at 30).

Hope one of these at least brought a little smile to your face. Have a great day.

Valentine Or Sitting Duck?

Which will you be this year? Will you be the passive aggressive’s Valentine or a sitting duck? To me, this has got to be the passive aggressive’s favorite holiday, right up there with Christmas when it comes to disappointment.

If you and the passive aggressive are on the outs, or you’ve called him/her out on his/her behavior, this is the perfect time for him/her to sweep you back in. If the passive aggressive is malicious enough, he/she knows how much this day means to you and will use it to hurt you yet one more time.

They say it’s worse to be with someone and still be lonely, than it is to just be alone. I would say that would be the case with most that are married or involved with a passive aggressive. I’ve noticed this year there seems to be a lot of clubs, etc. advertising parties for people who are not someone’s valentine. There’s nothing saying we can’t partake in something like that, celebrating the fact that we’re just alive and full of love ourselves, with or without anyone else.

If you are one in a position that whenever it comes to something special, your passive aggressive lets you down, now is as good a time as any to change that!

First, don’t expect anything special. This way if he/she screws up it won’t hurt as bad because you weren’t expecting anything special anyhow. If he/she does do something or remembers Valentine’s Day, it will just be icing on the cake, not something you’re depending on.

Second- There’s no law says we can’t do for ourselves what we would have liked someone else to do for us. Pamper yourself. Put everyone on notice you are doing things on this day to love yourself. I know if you have little kids or schedules, there are still things you have to work around, but there’s nothing saying you can’t pick yourself up a bottle of wine, some roses for the bath water, and anything else you want to spoil yourself. Then when you have the time, enjoy it. Remember how much you used to love yourself and how you are so worth it!

Third- You must have single friends or relatives. They probably aren’t loving this day either. See if you can get together for lunch or to do something fun so that you enjoy at least part of your day. It will help going into the evening.

And- If you’re really ambitious, you could bake some cookies and take them to a homeless shelter, or old folks home. Or grab a big bunch of cheap balloons and do the same. To see the light on the faces will fill your heart with so much love, nothing could take that away.

It’s up to you to take the mindset that you need to love yourself. That you are worth loving yourself and being loved by others.  Certainly we can do that for ourselves at least once a year. We have to be pro-active when it comes to the passive aggressive. Otherwise, you’ll just keep drowning.

So, are you going to be a Valentine or a sitting duck?

Children And Passive Aggressive Behavior

What do you do with children that obviously have passive aggressive behavior?

If you’ve been with me for any length of time, you know that my first advice if someone has children and they are married to a passive aggressive spouse, is to get out and save the children. All too often the children have a tendency to pick up the passive aggressive spouse’s behaviors.

Children also have the ability to take on these behaviors all by themselves when they start resenting the responsibilities put upon them by their parents.  In a way it’s no wonder children will behave passive aggressively, as they feel they have no other choice. In my house I was definitely not allowed to talk back or squack about what I was told to do. As a result, I had to take my little sister (6 yrs. younger) with me every where I went from the time she could walk.

As I was doing some research today, I came across an article by Signe Witson on Psychology Today who talks about a mother who asks her oldest daughter to take the 2 younger daughters to the bathroom while they are having a meal in a restaurant. While the oldest acts obediently, she travels at such a pace, she loses both her siblings on the way. When Mother is upset, the oldest daughter acts in complete surprise and blames her siblings for not keeping up.

This is such a familiar story to me. I can remember behaving in such a manner when I was a kid, and I can remember my oldest daughter on occasion behaving the same way regarding her siblings. Evidently now there is a book to help parents deal with these kind of situations called “The Reality Rub”.

The Reality Rub is recommended for use with kids who manipulate reality to test limits. The goal of the Reality Rub is to help kids re-organize their thinking and clarify reality by discussing their blurred, distorted, or self-serving perceptions of an incident.

This sounds like it may be a perfect place to start if you have kids that are always testing your limits, or who are developing their own passive aggressive behavior habits that would serve them better if they used that energy in more constructive ways.

 

Obama- A Passive Aggressive Narcissist?

What’s he thinking?

You think Obama’s a passive aggressive narcissist?

I want to start this out by saying 1) If I offend anyone, that is not my intent. 2) I mean no one any disrespect including the President and/or his wife.

Sometimes it’s just fun to let your mind wander, which mine has over the last several days. Actually it’s probably been longer than that, since for some reason this president seems to be able to push through what he wants with or without Congress.

I don’t care if you’re a fan of Obama or not, I would think we all would agree that he is definitely a narcissist.  I think he has a fully overgrown image of himself and his abilities (that he doesn’t need Congress). It’s like a King and his subjects. What’s unfortunate is that we, the American people keep reinforcing that image.  It’s just a bit scary because the branches of the government were originally designed to be a “checks and balances” for each of the other branches. (Didn’t mean to go on a political rant there. Just sayin’..)

I also think that most of us here are experienced enough to know that personality disorders have a way of overlapping, especially for passive aggressive personality disorders. Do you ever wonder if Michelle has to put up with a passive aggressive at home? LOL.

I guess if you’re Michelle and you ask the President to do something and he doesn’t do it, she could just ask one of her 21 assistants, or someone on the White House wait staff. Actually, as I’m talking this out, what would you ask the President to do that you couldn’t get done by someone else, except posing for “family moments” or sex. LOL.

And what about withholding sex? During my research there is a lot out there that says this is highly possible, but then who can you believe? So many people that claim to be close to the President or close to the First Lady just want to see their big mouths in print. The National Enquirer does state the First Lady did visit a lawyer 3 different times to discuss the possibilities of divorce. The National Enquirer you say, but hey, they have broken more stories when everyone else was saying “hogwash”. For all the “hogwash” you don’t hear of them getting sued a whole lot for misinformation. (I know, they’re just a rag).  LOL.

Believe it or not, I started this a few days ago and really didn’t mean it to come out on the eve of Obama’s second inauguration but here we are.

It’s been fun just to think about. What are your thoughts on President Obama being a narcissistic passive aggressive?

 

13 Yrs. With The Passive Aggressive And Counting

Flowers, candy, prime rib

I celebrated 13 yrs. with the Passive Aggressiveboyfriend a couple of months ago. When I started this blog many, many, posts and comments ago, I would read comments from women who had gone through misery being with a passive aggressive for 20, 30, and more years. I wondered how they stood it. Now I know. Time just keeps on ticking and before you know it, you’re looking at more time behind you than in front of you!

I have taken a break over the last few months trying to get my life in order, clean up lose ends, and see if my not complaining to you here would make any difference in how I looked at things. Maybe I would be more positive, etc. Instead, I have found myself closer to violence than I’ve ever been. LOL. I told you in the beginning the only way to survive being with a passive aggressive was with a sense of humor. In the turmoil of the last couple of years, I think I lost some of that.

The Passive Aggressive must have been getting it that I was close to the end as he has become extremely helpful with my mother, although acts like he’s put out at the slightest deviation from routine.

The PA boyfriend doesn’t really ever say anything when he’s annoyed, but he has this habit of lifting his neck way up and turning his head around, almost like a chicken. I’ve been calling him on this and the way he looks at me at times when I say something, typical passive aggressive behavior, and he claims not to know what I’m talking about. “What look? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

This weekend my middle daughter got married. The PA boyfriend pulled that “neck thing” on me a couple of times before we ever left the house, the typical passive aggressive behavior. I guess I probably should have warned him how that was getting to me, but I didn’t. I thought once we got to the wedding I wouldn’t have to deal with it. I can hear you out there saying “Wrong!” You’re right. He did it again at the wedding when I had asked him to do something, or told him something we needed to do, he pulled that neck thing, and if I had been close enough I would have knocked his head clean off! LOL. And he knew it!

So here I am my friends, back sharing opinions and hopefully giving helpful suggestions, and finding another way to let go of my anger in a way that won’t send me to jail. LOL

Are There More and More Passive Aggressives Out There?

Are there more and more passive aggressives out there, or is it just me?

Hey everyone, I’ve missed you so much since my last post, but have been actually trying to “practice what I preach”. One thing I have found since not posting so often is a lot of the “spammers” are leaving me alone. LOL.

1) I have finally found a new “home” church where I am getting to know people and have some support.
2) I am still struggling with back taxes, getting them caught up, but am getting closer all the time. Getting these done will give me a big portion of control of my life back. Instead of always having “unfinished business” on my brain, I can look forward into the future. Getting these done will also take two tax liens off of my credit file and up my credit score. This is a must if I should end up moving.
3) While I joined our gym here and there are 3 swimming pools, I haven’t been very good about motivating myself to go work out. I really need to lose this extra weight, so instead I joined a group that plays “pickleball” 3 times a week and we’ve been playing “shuffleboard”, the kind that is on the ground. At least I have begun moving instead of just sitting all the time.

Otherwise, my social life is down to nil. I haven’t been any more attentive to my “offline” friends than I have been here, I’m sorry to say. The taxes are so hard, I just concentrate completely on that.

It appears a very dear friend of mine who himself has a tendency to be fairly passive aggressive, has fallen for an old high school girlfriend that he just got re-aquainted with. I have mentioned it to him gently a couple of times, but she seems to be the whole bag of tricks when it comes to being passive aggressive.

She comes from the background of being abandoned by her mother at a young age. Evidently it didn’t take too long for her father who was an alcoholic to decided he couldn’t care for her and her brother by himself. Then later her mother came back into her life. This woman was told not to tell the mother’s boyfriend she was the mother’s child, because the mother didn’t want the boyfriend to know she had kids. Boy, talk about a lack of nurturing being one cause of passive aggressive behavior! Needless to say, abandonment is just one of the issues she has.

I only hear my friend’s side of the story, but I can just imagine what he is putting his girlfriend through also. He, like most passive aggressives, rather than say anything that may cause a fight, will just shut down. I’ve often wondered what happens when 2 passive aggressive partners get together, what the outcome would be, or how it’s even determined. I guess I’ll watch and find out. LOL.

I have approved all comments that were waiting, and will try to respond to as many as possible. Thank you all for your comments and your patience.

After Leaving The Passive Aggressive…

Good morning! I don’t know if you’re like me, but I have a song for just about everything I do in life. Marg submitted the video and lyrics below, and I thought it was so appropriate, I decided to re-post it here. Enjoy=)

Lyrics-
“Somebody That I Used To Know”
(feat. Kimbra)

[Gotye:]
Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it’s an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I’ll admit that I was glad it was over

But you didn’t have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don’t even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and I feel so rough
No you didn’t have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don’t need that though
Now you’re just somebody that I used to know

Now you’re just somebody that I used to know
Now you’re just somebody that I used to know

[Kimbra:]
Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
Part of me believing it was always something that I’d done
But I don’t wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn’t catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

[Gotye:]
But you didn’t have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don’t even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and I feel so rough
And you didn’t have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don’t need that though
Now you’re just somebody that I used to know

[x2]
Somebody
(I used to know)
Somebody
(Now you’re just somebody that I used to know)

(I used to know)
(That I used to know)
(I used to know)
Somebody

Moving Along, Dragging the Passive Aggressive Behind Me

Since last updating, I am practicing what I was preaching. Still working on taxes, I have been going to the gym about every other day and then taking a dip in the pool, which is just like heaven to me. For about an hour or so fitness is all I think about, or I take my cassette player and earphones and listen to something uplifting while I work out. Either way, I’m not thinking about him or us. I’m also fortunate in the way that I have a good friend that sort of holds me accountable, even tho he’s far away, so that gives me even more motivation.

Which speaking of “us”, there really isn’t much of an “us” anymore. We are definitely just roommates trying to survive. The Passive aggressive has the bedroom, I sleep on the couch. I still look over his shoulder every time he gets the mail as I can’t trust him as far as I can throw him. I’ve grown weary of his passive aggressive surprises.

The PA finally got an unemployment payment. They’re set up on debit cards now instead of getting a check. When the PA boyfriend got his debit card, it didn’t tell him how much was on there. He needed to activate the card and then he could check his balance. I asked him a couple of times to verify that he got paid for both weeks and he hadn’t done it, so I gathered together the bills that were due immediately, told him he needed to put $20. in the checking account to cover a check I had written, and dumped everything in his passive aggressive lap.

I felt so good doing that, that for the first time in ages I had so much energy I couldn’t figure out where it all came from. I didn’t even need a nap that day and went until about 11:00 that night. Of course I had to teach him how to pay a couple of things, but that was okay. I was out from under everything. We’ve had a little discussion since then and he says “we only have so much money left. We can’t pay blah, blah”. I said “Welcome to my world! Guess you better figure it out.” It’s so nice not being the only one to worry about this stuff!

The PA did go for a job interview the other day. As always, he thought it went well. I’d give anything to be a fly on the wall during one of these interviews. I often wonder if the PA tells the interviewer the same types of things he tells me, “I’ve never done that before”-type crap. I’ve gotten now where whenever he says that I just tell him “Doesn’t mean you can’t do it”. Positive thoughts and prayers for him getting hired would be appreciated.