Moving and The Passive Aggressive

Finally! We are moved out of hell and I’m back on the internet. Moving with the passive aggressive is quite the challenge, especially when the passive aggressive doesn’t like change of any kind. This is a massive change as we have moved from one end of the state to the other, but I’m sure it’s where we’re supposed to be.

Thank goodness for the passive aggressive’s son. This is twice now he’s been around to help us move. I don’t know what we would have done without him. I make decisions on where we’re going and what we’re doing, the son makes decisions on how to pack the truck and what route we’re taking. The passive aggressive just basically has to do what he’s told. No decision-making what so ever.

I did learn from both men that my suggesting anything to make the move easier was a waste of air. The more I would suggest something, the more response I got on why it wouldn’t work. That’s ok. It’s done now, and that’s all that counts.

I did give the passive aggressive boyfriend a way out while we were deciding where to move to. I suggested he could go live with his oldest son temporarily while he looked for his own place, but he wasn’t at all interested in that.  I am not quite sure why he chooses to cling to our relationship, such as it is, as we really are nothing more than roommates, but I guess that’s just for him to know.  I know at times he’s as lonely for affection, etc. as I am, but doesn’t do anything about it, and now I’m no longer interested, so I guess we’re at an impasse. This will do for now. Not sure where the future is leading, but so far I’m pretty excited about it.

 

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2 Responses

  1. Ladybeams,
    I don’t know how you did it. It just amazes me how you moved and are re establishing yourself WITH him! I think if I were to move, I would use the chance to separate from my husband. I think about it all the time. Today I had to watch my husband do his PA on my 14 yr. old. I watched how he intimidated him into submission. He did this to our other two children also. Actually, I spoke up and made a few comments and asked if he wanted to pass on how his father treated him to the next generation or if he would just listen to his son. Well, he decided he was going to control and demanded that his son just “do what He says.” My son looked heart broken, because he was trying to tell his dad that he makes him nervous. I don’t know if I want this to continue. It hurts me to live with his PA, but to watch him destroy our son, that is over the top-more than I can bear. I swore to myself that I would always try to communicate in order to keep relationships good and healthy. It does not work with PA’s. I am reading books on the subject and some advice tells you to keep calm, share truths of the situation…blah…blah…blah…it does not matter. We all know that. I have headaches and high blood pressure from all this. I can’t find a friend that will listen or believe the things that PA’s do-(unless I pay 125.00); except all of you on this website.

    • Sally- Some things are just, at least, temporarily necessary. I did give the PA several chances to part ways before we actually moved, but I have to say I couldn’t have moved my mother and I without him and his son. (Twice now moving, his son has been a total Godsend). Moving would normally be the perfect time to go ahead and split ways if it is at all feasible. Now that we’ve been here for a few weeks, I did make the offer again to ship him back to his oldest son’s to live. He still hasn’t left the house unless I absolutely make him, and though he has applied for a couple of jobs online, he doesn’t do anything to follow up so he probably will never hear from those companies again. After much badgering, I did get him to finally file for unemployment.

      I’m very sorry to hear your PA is taking out more of his passive aggressive behavior on your son, but I have to warn you, it will only get worse from here. Your son is at the age now to start making demands on his father, (a ride from school, help with a project, etc), and it’s not the same as when kids are 2 or 3 and don’t realize what a screw up there parent is. I hear over and over again from women who don’t want to leave their PAs because “he’s such a great father”. Those stories usually come from women that have children under 5. Hopefully you and your other 2 children, as well as this one, are close enough to talk about what is going on and what is wrong with the behavior, so they don’t copy it into their adult lives.

      While it may seem cruel, now you know why I advise everyone living with a PA that has children, to run. I have so many broken hearted mothers whose children end up treating them just like the spouse did, plus the children end up screwing up their own relationships.

      I wish you luck My Dear. Your children are old enough now, get out and get involved in something you enjoy. Make new friends, or call some old ones that you used to be close to. It’s amazing to me all the time, how happy people are to hear from me even if we haven’t been in touch for years!

      Looking forward to hearing from you in the future. You may want to check with your local Health Dept. and see if they may have some kind of “group therapy” you could join that would be helpful, and they are usually pretty cheap. I took an assertiveness class once, and it was probably one of the best classes I’ve ever had!

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