How Long Does It Take A Passive Aggressive…

Oh Boy!

To give in? This is kind of like “How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one but the lightbulb has to really want to change”. LOL.

The passive aggressive BF and I have little rituals that have been going on since we first started seeing each other and then living together over 10 years ago. I’m sure many of you do also. We never leave the house without giving the other one a kiss good-bye. We never hang up the phone without saying “I love you”, etc.  At least that’s how it usually is.

As you know when the passive aggressive is upset with you about something they have their little subtle ways of letting us know without coming right out and discussing it. My passive aggressive boyfriend starts barely kissing me when we kiss goodbye. This is so lite, any lighter you wouldn’t even be touching lips. That’s usually my first clue. I’ve decided over the last year or so when that happens, I don’t need a kiss at all, so I quit. I don’t have the energy for that crap anymore. It doesn’t take him too long to get the clue that I’m not into that game, and he comes looking for the kiss goodbye, and starts putting some feeling back in it.

Also as many of you know who have been reading here for awhile, it’s been a long time (really long time) since there’s been any intimacy between us. That’s right. Absolutely no sex. So I decided I could live without that too. I don’t know if it’s because I’m post menopausal, although to tell you the truth I think it’s more because women need an emotional connection most of the time to have sex, and if you’re with a passive aggressive partner or spouse, this element tends to be lacking, which is our case.  I started emotionally backing away from him a few years ago out of self-defense. I find things don’t bother me so badly that way.

I don’t know what happened and I don’t pretend to know what caused it, but the passive aggressive boyfriend ‘caved’. That’s right. I can’t believe it!

It started a couple of days ago when we were on the phone. I was getting ready to hang up, said the usual goodbyes, and he rushes in this fast “I love you”. I told him I loved him too.

Then last night as he was getting ready to go to the store, I was sitting at my desk and he came over and kissed me goodbye. He really kissed me. I was shocked to say the least. I always try to reward him when he does something I like with a “thank you” or “that was really nice”.  You know, kind of like you reward a child for good behavior to encourage that kind of behavior in the future. All these years I haven’t been so sure it’s taken, but I keep doing it anyways. I think because I never want him saying he doesn’t do something because I reject him or don’t respond well. That’s the usual excuse. He says the reason he doesn’t reach out for me is because he was rejected and called an animal in the past. Personally I think that’s a lot of BS and just a lame excuse, but who knows?

And then comes the “piece de resistance”. He’s actually been sort of cuddling me at night for about a week. According to him the part he didn’t like when we were sleeping apart for the months in the motel was not being able to feel at least my feet touching him. Yet when we moved into our new place it seemed like he was very careful to stay way over on the edge of his side of the bed. When I mentioned it he said he had actually cuddled with me most of the night. I told him he was full of it because when he touches me I usually jump and it wakes me up. Last night after we went to bed, we both woke up about the same time an hour or so later and he starts rubbing my back, etc. Last night for the first time in at least a few years, he actually initiated love-making! Like I said, I don’t know what brought it on, and considering what’s happened over the last week it’s taken him that long to go ahead and give it a shot, but I certainly hope that wasn’t enough to last another few years or so. LOL. I guess we’ll see.

If You’re Living/Dating A Passive Aggressive

It’s very important to guard your own mental health and self-esteem. That’s why I wrote the post about building your own Self-Esteem file, and why I’m passing on this gift to you today.

I received an email inviting me to the Outrageous Health Wellbeing Giveaway. All you have to do is sign up for free, confirm your email address, and they will send you the link to get all these free gifts. For each gift you decide you want you will probably have to fill in your name and email address, but you can cancel at anytime if these guys start bombarding you with sales letters, etc. A lot of them have some really good newsletters with motivational tips and more in them.

These are mostly online gifts like ebooks or mp3 downloads, but there is some really good stuff in there. There are a bunch of weight loss gifts, but more importantly for our use are some really great building your self-esteem and positive living gifts.

I hope you find something you enjoy and is helpful. Just click on the banner below and it will take you to the registration page.

If you find something and think it may be helpful to the rest of us, please leave a comment and share. Thanks.

Leaving A Passive Aggressive Relationship

Sometimes no matter how much we love(d) our passive aggressive spouses or partners, there comes a time when we can’t or won’t take anymore and it’s just time to go. We start thinking about leaving our passive aggressive relationship. For many of you it’s taken many years to come to this conclusion. I remember when I was quite young and my parents split up after 18 yrs. I swore to myself at that time I would never stay in a relationship I wasn’t happy in. My first 2 marriages only lasted a year and a half each. LOL. (That’s what happens when you get married way too young and for stupid reasons). Life is just to short to waste the time. Of course now, I’m not terribly unhappy, but I wouldn’t say it’s like wedded bliss either. I think I’m too distracted with other things right now to care one way or the other, which isn’t too good on my part either. As I’ve gotten a lot older I’ve mellowed quite a bit and probably slipped into just being comfortable for now.

Like you all, I surf the web quite a bit looking for information to help me understand more about the passive aggressive, and to help me help you. After reading so many comments here from people that have just had it up to their eyeballs, I came across a site that was offering a free book. It looked like it could be extremely useful for any one that’s thinking about leaving the passive aggressive relationship their in. So I downloaded it and read it. For only being about 21 pages, I think it says quite a lot. In fact I thought it was good enough to pass on to you.

Sorry the picture is so small.

This book was written by Nora Femenia, Ph.D and President & CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions in Florida. She has some excellent sites on the subject and an excellent blog. (Links to 2 of her sites are in my sidebar on the right, as well as the link here). I have received her permission to give this book away to my readers for free to anyone who wants it. All you have to do is right-click the link, choose “save as” or “save link” or something similar to that depending on your browser, and download the e-book. It has been scanned by my security for viruses, etc. and is perfectly safe. I don’t do any tricky stuff to acquire info on you or anything. I’m not techie enough even if I wanted to. LOL. It is in .pdf (Adobe) format, so you will need Adobe reader on your computer, but most of them come with it so it shouldn’t be a problem for you. If you have any problems, let me know.

She has a few different books for sale on her site, plus if you buy one you get 2 more e-books and a coaching session with her as a bonus. Usually the coaching session alone costs a small fortune by anyone doing that kind of thing. Thank you again Nora for your generosity. I am not an affiliate, and I get no compensation for this. I just thought it might be helpful to some of you. Here’s the link.

LeavingARelationship

Don’t forget to take a look at the updated recommended reading list also. Man, I’ve been a busy Ladybeams! LOL.

The Passive Aggressive And Commitment

People have been asking about the passive aggressive and commitment so I thought I would write a little about it now.

If you’re looking for true, real, deep down commitment from a passive aggressive (like the I’ll love you till I die kind) you’re looking in the wrong place. While you may get them to marry you, which I have to say the shack-ups (no offense. I’m one) outnumber the marriages by my tally, they still never really commit. They don’t know how and they’re scared to death of it.

I’m a prime example. I’ve been engaged to my passive aggressive BF for almost 10 yrs. He told me from the beginner he’s a “sticker” meaning he sticks in the relationship for as long as I’ll put up with him, but actually walk down the aisle, forget it. (Thank you, God). And he is. He sticks like frickin’ glue. LOL. He doesn’t hardly socialize. He doesn’t go out and he doesn’t have any friends that he keeps in touch with. At the same time, he doesn’t cheat, he doesn’t come home drunk after hours at the bar, and he doesn’t beat me. There are some good things.

Here me LOUD AND CLEAR. A passive aggressive does not commit. They are afraid if they do they may get dependent on you. The also don’t know how to commit emotionally to anything or anyone. If you’re in the dating stage, you may think he’s committed, but don’t make the mistake of thinking that’s true. He probably wants to be, but he doesn’t know how and in most cases isn’t willing to learn. What’s really hard about the passive aggressive you fall in love with is most of the time their so damn good at hiding how passive aggressive they are.

If you’re in a relationship with a man who
1) has no interaction with the family he was born in to
2) has no interaction with a family he created in the past
3) was abused in his childhood and didn’t rebel
4) has really old fashioned views on discipline based on how he was raised (really harsh)

odds are you’re dating a passive aggressive. And if you’re like me and you’re the one making all the moves sexually, don’t expect that to change either. At first I thought the passive aggressive BF was just “old fashioned” and being polite. I had listened to different sayings he had and the way he talked, so I thought he just really cared for me and didn’t want to scare me off. WRONG. After we got together he didn’t reach for me either. I used to talk to him about it. He just said he had been accused of being an animal before so he wasn’t like that anymore. BS.

He was never like that or his first wife wouldn’t have been caught cheating on him. His girlfriend after that that he really cared for wouldn’t have left for another man, etc. He’s just been lucky with me in the way that
1) I’m too old and lazy to start training again (altho I may revive)
2) I’m too busy to care about anything else right now
3) When I had so many opportunities the relationship was still new enough I always thought of him first
4) Last but not least, I believe in breaking things off first, before I go messing around (although that could change at any minute. LOL)

If you’re looking for a man that does what he says, is devoted to you like we see in the movies (which we all know is a fairytale but some are better than others), and wants to only be with you, do things with you around the house, be social with your friends, blah, blah, blah, you’re looking in the wrong place if you’re involved with a passive aggressive person. They don’t have and probably will never get, a clue.

Don’t forget to check out the new Recommended Reading List (heading at the top of the page) and please, we would love to hear your story or leave a comment on the post. Always glad to learn and share ideas.

Rekindling The Flame With a Passive Aggressive Pt.2

I got rather long winded in Rekindling the Flame With A Passive Aggressive Pt. 1 yesterday, but here is part 2 as promised.

Upfront I would like to apologize to Dr. Harville Hendrix for being rather disrespectful yesterday when I referred to him as “this guy Hendrix”. I’ve since done a little more research and he’s quite the Ph.D and a best-selling author on relationships (which by the way I have updated the Recommended Reading List over the last few days, so you may want to take a look). A couple of his books look very interesting for the kind of  relationships we’re in. I confess I haven’t read them yet as I just learned about them, but they look like they have strong possibilities and have received very good reviews.

Now, onto the “rest of the story”. LOL.

One thing Dr. Hendrix says besides that conflict in a relationship is natural is that “Divorce does not solve the problems of a relationship. We may get rid of our partners, but we keep our problems, carting them off to the next relationship.”  Personally I’m not sure how much I agree with that statement. I’m facing problems now with my passive aggressive BF that I have never faced before in my life, like no “intimacy” for example. Oh sure I’ve had times in my life where you go to bed angry (a no-no) and nobody touches anybody, but I’ve never experienced it as a way of life. Yes we take our problems with us as far as any problems we personally have, but we don’t take their problems with us which is usually what divorce solves.

Researcher John Gottman, head of the Gottman Institute says he can spot couples with 90% accuracy that are doomed to fail. He says what happens is couples in midlife are exhausted from conflict. I can see where that would be the case. After awhile you get tired of beating your head against a wall. I know I myself just resigned myself to living this way.

He describes these couples as “These couples are alienated and avoidant. They are people you see in a restaurant who are not talking to each other. They raised kids together, but there is not much going on with each other and they realize their marriage is empty,” he says. “These couples stifle things and do not raise issues with their partner. Their marriages are a suppression of negative emotion and a lack of positive emotion. It is a very passive and distant relationship with no laughing, love or interest in each other. This style of suppression can cause intense loneliness that’s almost like dying.”

I think that last line describes it very well. How many of us involved with passive aggressive partners or spouses have felt so terribly isolated and alone? I think from the comments I get here and the research I’ve done, it is definitely a common symptom.

People ask themselves, or other people ask them “If you’re so unhappy, why don’t you leave?” or “Why didn’t you leave?” when it’s someone who has lived miserably for several years. I think we all know the answer to that.

Even though we know it’s futile, we can’t help holding on to the hope that things will change, that the man/woman we fell in love with will return, and we’ll live happily ever after. Another big reason people don’t leave after awhile is because, while it may be a state of unhappiness, it’s known. It’s a “comfort zone”. They just get tired of starting over.

One of the short videos on Dr. Hendrix’s website answers the question “What if my partner won’t work with me?” He says to do the work yourself then, which is what I’ve always said about therapy or counseling. If he/she won’t go to couples counseling than at least get help and support for yourself.

If you’ve decided you’re interested in “Rekindling the flame with your passive aggressive” I wish you all the success in the world. If it works please share with us what worked for you in the “comments” section. We’d all like to know. LOL.

Rekindling The Flame With A Passive Aggressive

Leading in to my post tonite, I wanted to post the results of the old poll on the left hand side. (Hint: If you don’t scroll all the way down to see what’s in my sidebars you may have missed it. LOL). 50% of you have been with your passive aggressive partner or spouse over 11 yrs. 38% of you have been with your passive aggressive partner or spouse only 1-5 yrs. (I say only like it’s almost nothing. We all know better than that, don’t we?) So tonite the 50% that are still with their passive aggressive partners have my attention and the 38% might want to read on because of a “don’t let this happen to you”. LOL.

I received an email and the headline was “Rekindle the flame”. I’m female. I’ve been with my passive aggressive boyfriend for a long time. Love-and-affection-wise it’s not the relationship I’d always dreamed of so I read it. The article actually is quite interesting. I just happened to notice a few flaws.

As we get older we start to appreciate long-term relationships more than we did when we were young. We are realizing that we are mortal and our priorities change as far as how much time we have left and how we want to spend it. We value the time (for some, decades) we’ve spent with our partner or spouse, we still believe in being faithful and committed, but we’re not getting the love and affection we always thought went along with all of that (you know, that stuff that makes you sigh in the movies). A good reason for that is all the resentments and anger we hold on to through the years.

According to this article, underneath all the resentments is still the love, but we have to work through the anger to find it. I agree with that whole heartedly. I started holding back myself when I started getting resentful at the lack of emotion, intimacy, and everything else that usually goes in a relationship when two people love each other. I get that part. I just want to know how do you “work through it” with a passive aggressive who rarely says a word when it comes to the problems you’re having in a relationship? (Which is probably why counseling rarely works with them).

The main person giving advice in this article like every other relationship counselor, once again brings up “date night”. If you’re new to this “figuring out your relationship” stuff it’s when you set aside at least one nite a week for a “date” with your partner or spouse. Her idea is to switch off weeks. One night it’s your turn to plan the evening, take care of any reservations, and take care of any child or eldercare that has to be squared away. Next week he does it all and makes all the plans. Can anyone besides me hear “Oh, was that tonite?” or “I forgot to…make reservations, get a babysitter, etc.?”

Then there’s the old “schedule a time for a discussion”. If you’re not happy about something tell him you need to talk to him and set a time within the next 24 hours. Am I just being cynical here or am I right that by 24 hours he “doesn’t remember” the incident, or he won’t talk at all?

The one thing I will say about the article is that this guy Hendrix writes on his Web site, harvillehendrix.org, that conflict is a natural part of relationships. “Conflict is supposed to happen. Conflict is a sign that the psyche is trying to survive, to get its needs met and become whole. It’s only without this knowledge that conflict is destructive. At least that sounds positive. “Conflict is a sign that the psyche is trying to survive”. Isn’t that the truth!

There’s more to go but this is getting way too long, so I will finish it tomorrow along with giving you the link in case you’d like to read the article or explore the site yourself. Until then…

Back Up And Running-Still With The PA

Hey Everyone! Hello world! Yeah, I’m now back up and running on a regular internet connection instead of on the free WiFi and life is okay! LOL.

First let me apologize to the people who left comments in the last several days. I’m terribly sorry it took so long to get your comments approved, and I will be answering each one of you as soon as I finish here. Thank you for your patience. I do realize life goes on whether I’m here or not, but I usually try to get to comments quickly. Now I’m “Comcastic” so it should be really quick. LOL. (Can’t tell I’m happy about being back on line, can you?)

Ohhh, I’ve missed everyone so much! Every day it seemed like something would happen that I wanted to share with you. I should have written down reminders. Then I would find myself wondering how you all were doing. We get some pretty good conversations going and I hated not being able to respond, but we’re good to go now.

We’re almost on the last leg of our moving. We have one more storage to clear out and then everything will be here. I have no clue where we are going to put everything, but after living in 1 hotel room for 4 months I feel blessed to have to worry about that.

Moving in here is probably one of the most trying situations I’ve had with the passive aggressive boyfriend so far. I’ve realized a few things that are like “new” discoveries even after being with him for so long. I think also my patience has worn a little thin with having so much to do and my business being on hold, etc.

Right now the passive aggressive seems to be in a “sniping” mood. He won’t say anything directly to me, but keeps making these little comments behind my back to my mother. I’m working on this one. I don’t tell him my mother tells me because I don’t want him turning on her. At the same time I’m wondering if he says the things he does in front of her so she will tell me. I don’t know. I just currently find a way to address the issue without involving her. At the same time I’m realizing what a little meddler my mother is. LOL.

Another BIG realization is even more how much like my father my passive aggressive boyfriend truly is. He’s also in the “one of these days I’ll do something right” mode which just irritates the hell out of me. My father used to use that when he knew he was wrong, he was caught, and he had no way out. “I know I’m a terrible father. I know I haven’t been the best…” Aaaaaa, can you hear me screaming? LOL.

I think that’s probably another reason why my patience is so short. I’ve been there, done that. I didn’t like it then. I hate it now. What really bothers me is I feel like he thinks all I do is bitch, but that’s truly not the case. I do like to “discuss” things like how we’re going to set up the livingroom, where things are going to go, etc. That’s the way it should be. I am really interested in his input. The passive aggressive really doesn’t like to discuss anything. He does things without thinking them through, then pulls the “woe is me” crap when it’s all screwed up.

I have so much to tell you, but this is already pretty long so I’ll save it for tomorrow, and the next day, and the next… LOL. I also have that review I promised on a short book I read on the passive aggressive, and remind me to tell you “the yard story”. LOL.

Have a happy Sunday and thank you all, again.

Update: Passive Aggressive News

First of all sorry to everyone for not being in touch for a few days, but I’m using a new WiFi system for my internet and it can be rather hit or miss. I haven’t been able to get a good enough signal to really do anything on the blog, but right now it’s working well so I’m taking advantage. LOL. I’ve approved and answered all comments so if you left something here and it took me a couple of days to answer, I am very sorry. I’ll be settled down here soon and not so sporadic.

So now, on with the Passive Aggressive News. LOL.

So in my last post I wrote about sibling rivalry and passive aggressiveness. I got confirmation this week from my almost sister-in-law through the passive aggressive BF’s email they definitely aren’t sending the money his brother said he would loan us. That is fine. I have no problem with that. More people than not are having economic troubles these days and I totally understand. What I’m having a hard time with is the fact that he let us sit for almost 2 weeks before his wife finally came out and said “no”.  (I didn’t really sit for 2 weeks, only 6 days before I got a clue).  The BF emailed her back saying thank you anyway, blah, blah. I asked him if he told her how much deeper into a hole his brother put us by not just saying no to start with, but of course he didn’t. Oh well.

So we are moved into our new place anyway, Yeah! Thank goodness for friends with big hearts. You would think things would be better for everyone as the stress should be lighter not having to pay for the hotel everyday, etc. Instead the passive aggressiveness is raging, and I did today what I tell you guys not to do.

I LOST IT! I had gone to a town about 45 minutes away to see a girlfriend in a hospital and get some papers signed. I left a little after 9 am. All he had to do was move the car that was in the driveway to the street in front of our house so I could pull in the driveway when I got home. We live now in a neighborhood where parking is at a premium, so we park 2 cars on the street, and the one we use most often in the drive so we always have a place to park. 3 hours later when I got home the car was still sitting in the drive and I had to park in the street. This was like the straw that broke the camels back. I am so sick of the words “I was just getting ready to do that” I could gag! I ended up moving the cars myself, which is fine, I’m not crippled, but that’s not the point.

A couple of days ago I had been trying to get a hold of him on his cell phone. No answer of course. When I got home I made mention of only calling him again in the future if I was feeling suicidal, because anytime I really need him I can’t get an answer. He lightly threw his cell phone on the table to let me know he was unhappy. I picked it up and threw it across the livingroom and it shattered into 4 pieces. He got it back together and it seems to work much better now. LOL.

My point being is he got the very reaction he wanted from me, whether he consciously knew it or not. He got me crazy. This is exactly what a passive aggressive needs to feel he is in control. It gives them satisfaction at your expense and if they’re “winning” it just gets worse.

The one thing I did do was when I blew my top today, I laid all the cards on the table. I told him I knew what he was doing sabotaging every effort, holding back the I love you’s when I said I love you, the whole bit. I told him it was quite obvious he didn’t love me anymore (to which his face gave a look of protest, but I never gave him a chance to say anything. I told him I was tired of his crap and I wanted it to stop NOW. I didn’t want to play anymore.

So my friends, we will see if it makes any difference or not. I believe that we have to confront this behavior as it’s happening so they know we know what they are doing, but I usually advise to do it calmly. Sometimes I guess calm doesn’t cut it, then a person’s gotta do what a person’s gotta do.

Coming soon, a review of a book on passive aggressive relationships. So far it’s pretty good as far as defining a passive aggressive and giving some examples.

Feel free to comment. I’ll try to be faster on the replies. If you feel you need to get some answers right away, feel free to email me anytime. Just remember, I’m not a therapist, just one of you living through it a day at a time, with 10 years of days experience. LOL.

Sibling Rivalry and Passive Aggression

Sometimes doesn’t show up for years. Sometimes a lot of years. Sometimes it blindsides you and you never see it coming. That’s where we are today.

My passive aggressive boyfriend grew up in a home with a brother just a few years younger than him, 2 sisters, then a sister who is 9 years younger, and finally a “menopause” baby boy who is 16 years younger.

They grew up most the time on a farm, or moving around, and the father ruled with an “iron fist”, literally. Nowadays he would definitely be prosecuted for child abuse. Some of the stories I’ve heard are incredible. I just never thought about any of them applying to anyone but my BF.

The BF joined the service right out of high school, as they did back then (he’s kind of old. LOL). That of course leaves the next boy to pick up the slack. The BF gets back from Viet Nam, hangs out for a year and takes off for California. As I’ve explained many times on this blog, there is not really an emotional connection with a passive aggressive. Once he took off for California he never called anyone in the family, not Mom, not siblings, not anyone. So who does Daddy rule next? The next brother.

When his Mom got up there in age, he started going back to see her every year on her birthday and of course it was like a family reunion, and he was like the prodigal son. He did this for several years. I even went with him the first couple of years we were together. Great Mother, great family, and I felt so accepted. The father had passed long before I came along. When the BF was out of work and money was tight, I still made sure he went every year even though we couldn’t afford for both of us to go.

The PABF’s mom passed a couple of years ago. I don’t think he’s been in touch with anyone since. I keep in touch with his youngest sister, email his sister that’s the second oldest, and that’s about it. We had to call his brother last week for a HUGE favor. They were always really close when they were younger. This is when you find out passive aggressive behavior runs in the family.

The BF’s brother said “Sure. Just give me a couple days because I’m on my way out of town in the morning. I’ll take care of it as soon as I get back”. We waited. Come 5 days later, the BF put in a call to him. No answer, no call back. Tuesday the same. It doesn’t take a brick to hit me in the head to start getting a clue, but I was still holding onto a little bit of hope. Today’s Wednesday. No word.

Why not just say “no” to start with? Why not even make up a lie as to why not, and then say no? Because this is how a passive aggressive gets even. This is so typical passive aggressive behavior. They say sure, or yes, and then blow you off. Sound familiar? Screw up people’s lives by doing that? Hell ya.

I learned a new lesson about passive aggressiveness this week. I learned that the odds are if the one in your life is passive aggressive, it probably runs in their family. It makes sense. If it’s a passive aggressive parent that caused your loved one’s behavior, then the siblings also have been influenced by that same parent. Many times it’s the passive aggressive parent they take after or admire, because children are very smart. They see how that type of behavior works for the parent using it. If a parent was so rigid in their discipline as to cause your loved one to be passive aggressive, there’s no reason to believe that the siblings would be any different. Drawing from my own childhood, my sister and I were treated completely different and we were two girls. I never gave a thought that the next boy in line would probably receive the same treatment that caused my BF’s passive aggressiveness.

I’ve learned another meaning to “dysfunctional family”.

More Examples of Passive Aggressive Behavior

First, I want to let everyone know we have finally found a new home. Yeah! Thank you to so many of my friends here that have  been with me the last few months and offered such wonderful words of encouragement and prayers. This Monday is move-in day. I may be down for a few days at the beginning of the week while we’re moving our stuff in out of 3 different storages, and I’m getting my internet hooked up, but I’ll be back! LOL. Boy, if anyone really wants to know about passive aggressive behavior and tendencies, try living in one small hotel room with a passive aggressive for four months. And he still lives! Score! LOL.

This is probably happening just in the nick of time too. The room we’re in has one of those super efficient toilets that would suck your a** off if you were sitting on it when you flushed. You barely have to touch the handle and it sounds like a jet taking off. Lately the passive aggressive BF has been under some strain since I told him this problem of not having a place to live wasn’t just my problem. One of the results has been he pushes the handle on the toilet so hard that it runs continuously, or no water and it won’t flush at all unless you take the lid off of the tank and jiggle the hardware inside. I mentioned to him that he was doing it again, (he went through this phase once already) so his answer to me was he didn’t flush at all. Of course we all know how it goes when I mentioned it to him. The look that says he could swear he flushed it, then the headdrop that says “I’m such an idiot”. He was also shocked to find out he leaves the seat up a lot more often than he thought. LOL.

One of the things I do to relax sometimes is crossword puzzles. You can’t really be thinking of any thing else but the words and the clues. I started doing them in the paper we get here. I got to do the first couple, and now the BF has become addicted. If we go somewhere and he hasn’t finished one, he takes it in the car. Normally that would be fine, except he’s supposed to be looking for “for Rent” signs and writing down phone numbers. He’s also supposed to be helping me read street signs when we’re going somewhere unfamiliar as it’s pretty hard for me to drive and watch his side of the street for signs at the same time. We were on our way to sign the lease for our new home when I finally told him I was going to start ripping the newspapers up. We had to be there by a certain time and I had inadvertently passed a street I should have turned on. He threw the paper up on the dashboard in a little tantrum. That’s when I informed him our being homeless was not just my problem.

All of this is typical passive aggressive behavior. They completely disconnect. When we first got together he informed me he made decisions at work all day, he didn’t want to make them at home. I could understand that, but I didn’t know it meant forever, any decisions, even the years he’s been out of work.
We all get into a relationship like a partnership. We have these dreams that the two of us are aligned, we’ll never be alone again, and we will build a life together. Some how a wire gets crossed when you’re with a passive aggressive and you find yourself alone even when you’re with someone.